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Good Functional Family Rules
1. Problems are acknowledged and resolved.
2. The five freedoms are promoted. All members can freely and appropriately express their perception, feelings, thoughts, desires and fantasies.
- The freedom to see and hear (perceive) what is here and now, rather than what was, will be or should be.
- The freedom to think what one thinks, rather than what one should think.
- The freedom to feel what one feels, rather than what one should feel.
- The freedom to ask for what one wants instead of waiting for permission.
- The freedom to take risks in one's own behalf instead of choosing to be secure and always playing it safe.
3. All relationships are dialogical (two-way). Each person is of equal value as a person. Children's developmental limits are taken into account.
4. Communication is direct, congruent and sensory based - i.e. concrete,specific and behavioral.
5. Family members can get most of their needs met.
6. Family members can be different.
7. Parents do what they say. They are self-disciplined disciplinarians.
8. Family roles are chosen and flexible.
9. Atmosphere is fun and spontaneous.
10. The rules require accountability and consequences.
11.Violation of others' values leads to guilt (it is expected that people will feel guilty if they do not respect another member).
12.Mistakes are forgiven and viewed as learning tools.
13.The family system exists for the individual's well-being.
14. Parents are in touch with their healthy shame.
Adapted from: Bradshaw, John (1996). Bradshaw on the Family. A New Way of Creating Solid Self-Esteem. revised edition. Health Communications.